Medical 2 Intro Shadow

Understanding our personality style or type helps us to know ourselves and thereby more effectively relate and communicate with others. Our self-discovery journey would be incomplete, however, if we did not address the shadow side of our personalities.

We all have a negative shadow. If we fail to recognize our shadow, it may as Jung suggested, control us and show up in our lives in the form of addictions, compulsions or other destructive behaviours. Our culture refers to the shadow in many ways: The disowned self, the hidden self, the dark side of our nature, the repressed self, the alter ego, the id, the negative part, etc.

The purpose of Personality Styles workshops is to discover the positive things about ourselves. This is not in conflict with a study of our shadow energy. In the shadow there also lies a treasure of possibilities hidden from us.

The pieces of gold to be discovered might be in the form of aptitudes, characteristics, attitudes and traits that once may have been a part of our conscious life, but for some reason they were pushed into our subconscious and have become part of our shadow. We may well discover a personality gold mine in the process of bringing these gifts to the surface of our conscious life.

Connie Zweig in Meeting the Shadow says, “The shadow acts like a psychic immune system, defining what is self and what is not self. For different people, in different families and cultures, what falls into ego and what falls into shadow can vary.

For instance, some permit anger or aggression to be expressed; most do not. Some permit sexuality, vulnerability, or strong emotions; many do not. Some permit financial ambition, or artistic expression, or intellectual development, some do not.”

it is often difficult to identify shadow characteristics because our shadow lives in our subconscious life.

We see the shadow mostly indirectly, at times in the distasteful traits and actions of other people. Freud called this “projection.” What we deeply appreciate in others may be hidden in our own shadow. However, it is often safer and more comfortable to observe the shadow outside our selves. We do not like to admit our underdeveloped parts or the unexpressed gifts of our personality, so at times we neglect, forget, deny or bury these traits only to discover them in confrontations with others.

Sometimes we meet our shadow in humour, in off-color remarks, racist jokes or flippant comments. These comments often reveal our most hidden, inferior or feared emotions. In all of these cases, we usually momentarily experience strong feelings of shame or anger.

English psychoanalyst Molly Tuby suggests six other ways in which even unknowingly, we meet the shadow every day:

In our exaggerated feelings about others

(‘I just can’t believe he would do that!’ ‘I don’t know how she could wear that outfit!’)

In negative feedback from other who serve as our mirrors

(‘This is the third time you arrived late without calling me!’)

In those interactions in which we continually have the same troubling effect on several different people

(‘Sam and I both feel that you have not been straightforward with us.’)

In our impulsive and inadvertent acts

(‘Oops, I didn’t mean to say that.’)

In situations in which we are humiliated

(‘I’m so ashamed about how he treats me.’)

In our exaggerated anger about other people’s faults

(‘She just can’t seem to do her work on time!’ ‘Boy, he really let his weight get out of control!’).” (P. XVIII, Meeting the Shadow)

There are positive outcomes possible for each of us in discovering our shadow. We will summarize some of the gifts as described by Zweig and Wolf in Romancing the Shadow:

Some may find the sources of their own self-hate and come to a deeper authenticity and self-acceptance;
By discovering family secrets or other family issues, some come to deeper reconciliation with parents or siblings;
Becoming aware of unconscious family patterns, some reclaim their masculine or feminine energy or soul;

Others move towards greater sense of intimacy with their partners;

In marriages couples may break patterns of pursuing and distancing,
criticizing and punishing and move toward a more conscious relationship;

Friends often deepen feelings of safety and intimacy;

Anyone who works can re-imagine the purpose and meaning of his or her work.

Some at midlife awaken to the loss of their unlived lives.

Some in using their creative imagination through dreams, drawing, writing and rituals often meet their shadow energy.

Each personality style or “Way” has a shadow side. In times of stress or when we may be experiencing low self-esteem, we may find ourselves exhibiting the shadow behaviours of our first or second style or color.

Also, we may find that we criticize the positive attributes of our fourth or even our third personality style or “way”. This may also be part of our shadow energy.

When we see this happening we begin to realize what we yet have to develop in our own lives.

The Shadow